I felt this was a very important topic to dabble on because I believe majority of us (my viewers) are either dating, talking, seeing or in a proper relationship or even married. Whatever the case is we are “millennials”… this generation, you and I, and of course as time goes by, things change, evolve or diminish. Dating is a very essential part of life, and I believe we have lost the true essence of it. The cycle these days goes like this, you exchange numbers, talk for a bit, meet up, have sexual relations, talk for a longer bit till it fizzles out and ends then on to the next person, most times with no real explanation, you just get bored and social media gives us this false idea that you have a lot of options. You start a relationship but back out after the first sign of trouble forgetting that no one is perfect and before you know it you’re averaging 5+ guys/girls in one year. Think about this, If you keep finding yourself in the same predicament, then you haven’t learnt the lesson the situation is trying to teach you.. You get in relationships to learn how to love each other, you’re not supposed to automatically know, people assume this and are quick to break up. We often forget that we are all students in this thing called life, we’re learning in every aspect, in school we don’t pass every test but we learn something. Also, at the beginning of a relationship is what I call the honeymoon phase where everything is all rosy and you’re so high off each other but eventually you get to the second stage, this is where you start to really get to know each other, likes and dislikes, disagreements, I believe arguments are for growing, and if after the space you feel closer to each other then you know its real but if you feel distant then its probably just attachment with no proper substance. It’s easy to give up on a relationship if its not working because that’s the easy way out but you’ll end up dealing with the same issues with different people if you don’t learn first.
Sometimes we get upset over something our partner did without expressing it to them, no one is a mind reader, you’re an adult, learn to communicate your feelings. You’re more likely to deal with them that instant than when you give silent treatment, its counter productive. We spend time with our partners but check our phones every second, social media has been such a great influence in general but I believe it has reduced the amount of quality time spent with loved ones. Technology is one of the greatest inventions till date but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that It’s a huge distraction, we are now so concerned about what is going on in the outside world rather than creating new memories in this moment and focusing on the company we have. I cringe whenever I see a couple out in public, playing with their phones and not speaking to each other, like maybe stay at home next time?
A lot of times we date people that have little or no impact to our lives and dreams, because we think they’re fun to hang around. Evolving is a part of life, we are all meant to evolve into who we are meant to be and your partner is meant to be a part of this process. There are people in the world who make us come alive, they tap into our dormant inner greatness, they push you to want to do better, find them, you’re both better together. Growing together is essential in relationships, because you either grow together or grow apart. And what better way to grow together than to learn from each other and experience the highs and the lows of life?
A lot of us get so worked up about what didn’t work out with our last relationships that we forget the real essence, every relationship is not meant to work out, you’re not meant to marry everyone you date, its not realistic, your failed relationships are moulding you, you’re learning things about yourself, things you like and don’t like, breaking points, and all this is preparing you, and whoever you end up with, gets the finished product. And all you should be focusing on is making sure you’re going to be worth it. Learn to focus on why things are happening rather than what is happening. Don’t stress yourself over a broken heart, no one was meant to love just one person in their lifetime, be patient love will come again, the right kind. I stopped holding grudges against people I loved who hurt me because I see now they just did the best they could with what they knew at the time. People will love you just as much as they’ve loved themselves. All the current relationships in your life should be helping you evolve, we meet people we need to meet. Also, Self love cant be over emphasised, If you don’t have self love prior to a relationship then you will take and take from the person the things you lack, and you’d always seek validation from them. We need to stop that “you complete me” banter because it’s clingy and pathetic, no human should complete you, you both need to be whole. You are meant to inspire your partner and be inspired, it’s a two way street, and you can’t pour from an empty cup. Yes, there will be times when your partner will need more from you than they are giving but it shouldn’t be the “norm” because its draining. Be with someone because you want them, not because you need them. Love yourself so hard so if all comes crashing you’d still have the love from yourself to hold you up. You will never ever be enough for someone who doesn’t really want you, there will always be something they don’t like about you but you’d be perfect for the one who does because in all your flaws they’d still choose you. I believe the ideal relationship is when you meet each other halfway, No one is chasing the other and no one has a upper hand. Fall in love with yourself first then invite someone who also loves themselves to share it with you. And please when you find what you want, stop looking and start planning, nobody on this earth will give you everything you want, figure out your priorities and take the closest thing. Personally I know I have a lot of room to grow, I’m the furthest thing from perfect but each day I learn from my experiences and try to be the best version of myself.
Love & Light xo