On Becoming (Book Review)

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“Toke Makinwa is a Nigerian radio personality, television host, and vlogger and now a best selling author”

Okay so i’ve always been a fan of Toke Makinwa, simply because first of, I love me a strong woman, she’s very ambitious, purpose driven, loves God and is very unapologetic about it. Never really followed her up but I watched a few of her vlogs but that was about it up until I read her best selling memoir called “on becoming” Which by the way is why I love journals and memoirs, you get a first class seat into peoples lives. You see a side of them you never ever would have imagined, we all put up masks and poker faces for the world in a bid to guard ourselves but at the end of the day we’re all the same, going through the same struggles, just on different degrees.

ON THE COVER

This was obviously well thought out, because it was very subtle, classy and elegant.

ON THE STORYLINE

It started out really well, quite depressing, very well written, very descriptive. It never lost the plot, a few typos here and there but overall it was great.

ON CRITICS

Now y’all know that people are always going to have something to say. But this book sure had a lot of people talking, some felt like she made herself look stupid for putting out the truth bare like that, some felt she was trying to be like the kardashians, and others felt she was seeking for attention, exposing her marriage and it was just wrong. I personally feel like we’re all different, some people are private and some people aren’t and that’s okay too. Some people’s story and life are used so others can get inspiration. Some people are born to lead. We all cant be the same, and if she felt she needed to put it out there its only fair for people to respect it. Also, a lot of people feel liberated from sharing their stories, as opposed to feeling weak and exposed. A lot of great people have journals and memoirs, biographies and its always served as a means of inspiration. Nigerians would rather read a memoir with an American author than a Nigerian one simply because “our culture doesn’t allow”. When will we wake up and see that all these restrictions are what keeps holding us back as a nation? Also, there’s a quote that goes “if you aren’t talked about then you’re a nobody” so I’m sure she’s headed in the right direction.

LESSONS LEARNT

  1. First of, I love the fact that this book was a journey to self discovery, from the little bubbly girl who lost her parents to the broken girl that was self-destructing to the woman that wanted something more out of life to the overachieving and hardworking lady she is today. I live for success stories like this, talk about a journey, it makes me feel like everything is attainable as long as you believe.
  2. The part where her parents go up in flames was extremely traumatic and was just due to the failure to pass an info because of malice between two ladies. This would have been completely avoidable and lives were lost including theirs, sooo tragic. Girls, this is for us, it’s never worth it 🙂
  3. I love the fact she owned up to her own mistakes and shortcomings. She noted how she was broken from past hurt and carried all that into the marriage and also she wasn’t playing her wifely duties.
  4. When people show you who they are please believe them, she gave this man multiple chances, hoping he’d change just because she was scared of losing him. It happens to the best of us but we have to do better. They won’t change when its clear you don’t love yourself enough to have boundaries. walk way!
  5. She lost all her faith in God and started wilding out and self-destructing, they were a million and one signs but she chose to ignore them. His sister and mom dropped red flags, she even had dreams yet she felt love could conquer all.
  6. Despite everything she was going through in the dark, she came out with her A game. She pursued her career with even more zeal which I find so encouraging. There is no doubt at how strong this woman is, no doubt.
  7. I believe this book was just a representation of what a high percentage of women of all ages go through in Nigeria. It’s so common that I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of lives she must have touched, strength a lot of girls would have pulled from it. As human beings we tend to always look at things from the surface but life is deeper than that, your life’s struggles happened for a reason, and if/when you overcome it, you share it with the world so people can learn or be motivated to do better then I really don’t see the problem. I mean how else can you glorify God without sharing your story? Maybe if more women spoke on emotional/physical abuse we wouldn’t think it was normal to stay in such an unhealthy relationship for so long. I pray for a Nigeria where we don’t have to cover and hide from domestic/emotional abuse, a Nigeria where our government supported us and had our backs and put out specific laws against these acts, a Nigeria where it wasn’t seen as an abomination to speak out on abuse but seen as bravery. A lot of times we try to normalize dysfunctional relationships because we think they’re fun and spontaneous or what love comes with but no, it always does more harm than good. You lose your self esteem in the process and if you’re lucky to ever get out, normal functional relationships could start to bore you and you begin to self sabotage. It is mental slavery. It actually takes two broken people to make a relationship dysfunctional because if you see the signs and still forge ahead then you are also part of the problem. Self love can not be over emphasized, a lot of times we jump from relationships to relationships without truly healing because were scared to be alone and that’s where our problem starts, sometimes all you need is solitude, cry, dig a little deeper within yourself, ache from the heartbreak and loneliness, heal, accept yourself, look in the mirror and see god. People will treat you how well they see you treat yourself its that simple.

 
Thanks for reading…

Love & Light xo

E Bozimo.

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